The worldwide ongoing debate on what makes one attractive to the opposite sex continued tonight over fried cheeseballs, saffron orecchiette with crisp prosciutto, and sauteed monkfish at Gusto. The scene? An intimate candlelit dinner with two old friends and colleagues, Karen and Justin. I won’t bore you with the minute details, but I will offer a few choice snippets of conversation:
Karen: You can’t play too hard to get; always being busy, always running around, unavailable, dates having to be planned way in advance…..that kind of stuff turns guys off. In the end, guys want to have some sense of power, of being the provider, of being wanted, of feeling needed.
Justin: Yes, you have to have some semblance of availability.
Me: So I guess The Rules are totally off-base.
Karen and Justin: (simultaneously) I’ve never read The Rules.
Me: Good. For. You. It says to never call a guy and rarely return his calls.
Justin: Don’t return his calls??? That’s just rude!
In my opinion (and this tends to change and shift constantly with different situations and people), there is always a certain level of game-playing. Game-playing is necessary, healthy even. That is, as long as it stays within bounds: waiting a few minutes to text a new guy back is totally acceptable. Sending yourself bouquets of roses to make him jealous….totally psycho.
My bottom line, right here and now in my present state of mind, is that sometimes it just clicks. There have been times in the past when I’ve been so giddy and head-over-heels over a guy that I found it nearly impossible to relax and be myself around him. And there’ve been times in the past when I’ve been so cavalier about a guy (and he so passionately convinced about me) that I ended walking all over him or dismissing him completely.
But sometimes, you hit a happy medium. Sometimes you find yourself in that place where you’re both giddy and grounded. Where you’re falling but you know you’ll land safely. Where you let yourself get lost in him without losing yourself. Sometimes, it just clicks.
