I know I haven’t called you back since our last “date.” I’d like to be able to say that it’s because I’ve been busy or overwhelmed with fashion week. Unfortunately, however, that is not the case. The real reason is pretty simple. I think you’re probably a decent guy. But I know you’re not a gentleman. During the couple of dates we’ve had, you didn’t open any doors for me. You didn’t insist that I go first up a steep, uneven set of stairs. You let me pay for our drinks. You got out of the cab and stood there on the sidewalk while my girlfriend and I rummaged through our bags for money to pay the driver with. You let me pay for eggs and cheese and ice cream for the late night meal that I cooked.
You have a lot of great qualities, and I’m sure there are lots of girls who won’t view the aforementioned set of behaviors as particularly disagreeable. I, however, view them as the kiss(es) of death. I mean, come on. This all happened during the first two dates. Call me old-fashioned, but that’s just not the way it’s supposed to go down.
So, no, I won’t be returning your phone calls. So goodbye and good luck, and take it from me—next time, just pay for the freaking cab. Especially if it’s the first one you’ve ever taken together.
Love,
Carol
